Munich

Mary’s column – a testament to the gullibility of Munchens, apparently. The story goes that the Swedish occupied Munich during the Thirty Years’ War (truth) – Munich being the highly Catholic city, and the Swedish those evil, evil Protestants. Munich had to get rid of them, so they asked what they wanted. The Swedes had their price, but the humble people of Munich couldn’t come close to scrounging all that together, so they went to occupiers with a price of their own: the share of gold they could manage, and the balance to be paid in beer. Now, this worked and the Swedes left, but afterward the people were a little confused because their boss man was nowhere to be found. They found their leader a few days later in a township well outside of Munich and they were pretty bothered by the fact they’d solved the problem and all the while he’d been hiding out. Not the case, he promptly told them, he’d in fact come out of the city following the occupation to pray to the Virgin Mother that those pesky Proddies get lost and, hey presto, his “praying” had worked. “Rightio, huzzuh” could be the loose translation of the Munchens, and up went the column to say thanks for helping hand Miss Mary! Now, looking back on this, the real saviour of the day was beer, not any heavenly being. Go beer – you are truly awesome.

And as with any town in Europe really, Munich’s got some nice churches around town. Frauenkirche is one that’s got a pretty funny story going for it. When it was being built, the Devil rocked up one evening and got really mad: “No way, not another one!!” – that kinda thing. So he goes to the door and opens the place up and there isn’t a ray of light in the place. “This is awesome!” he figures, as far as he could tell people would come to this “Church” to worship him in the darkness, not God! So he summons the builder and makes a deal with him: build no windows in the place and he’ll speed the building process to 20 years (that’s darn impressive for the time). The deal is made. Sure enough, the place is finished in the time period – amazing! The Devil comes back, pretty chuffed, and opens the doors only to find the place full of life, light and prayer! Now, he’s pretty furious at this point and summons the builder to throttle him and claim the dude’s soul. “Actually, buddy...” the builder begins, “I didn’t build any windows. Those were there the whole time, only blocked by these here pillars.” (see photo below) The Devil is so angry he stomps his foot into the floor of the church, leaving his footprint forever there (same size as mine, actually). So, if anyone is wandering how to build a church quickly... Oh wait, they can already do that these days.


Frauenkirche.. This was the Pope's hood before he moved to the mansion


Theatinerkirche.. This one's spectacular - so much detail, all in plain white plaster; a standout of the Church run

And beer. Oh, Munich and your beer. I’ve not been to Oktoberfest, but after seeing how busy the beer halls are in OFF season, I can hardly even imagine how crazy the place must be in late September! Here you’re expected to drink by the litre, and don’t just stop at one (it’s totes locs you know). It’s damn good, too. The purity laws ensure that everything is kept clean as well, so according to the locals there’s no such thing as a hangover from Bavarian beers (believe it... cue Ripley's Believe It Or Not music).