So mee is noodles and nasi is rice and that is all you need to know, right? The rest is just whatever comes on top. Actually, in Melaka, you don’t need to know that – just sit down, look at the wall, and pronounce as best you can whatever words look appealing. Something will show up.

Without someone who’ll simply walk up and ask the obvious, often ridiculous, questions about etiquette and translation (where is James Yeates when you need him?), the best way to figure out eating out is to just find a seat and wait to see what happens.

In Melaka, we stayed on Raya 3 (a street name that sparked my knowledge of 1 to 10 in Bahasa!), away from Chinatown (but not lacking in noise at 5 am – thanks Cafe 1). Our hotel room might have been full of cockroaches and other peoples’ hair clogging all the drains, but our street was pretty cool. It had a real ‘country town’ vibe going on; even though 15 minutes walk would bring you to the sardine madness of Chinatown.

Coincidence or not, it was funny that down one side of the street were all the ‘touristy’ restaurants, and on the other were all the ‘local’ eateries. The former included the blazing red, white and blue of Casual American Dining, the karaoke-starting Cafe 1, and the super-cosmopolitan Ant Bar, where the same five-girl-vocal-pop-sensation group performed nightly from 9.30 (from the street, it seemed the only musical performance was coming from some old dude and a Yahama). On the other side of the road were the places with names you wouldn’t as easily see. We named these places: “We know you’re mean but your roti is the greatest”, “You wait long time”, and “Does a hotplate really cost that much”. What we lacked in creativity, they made up for in yumminess.

The first of these – the one between the other two – was amazing for the roti – we had to come back multiple times for this – as will you if you ever head to Melaka. The second, despite waiting at for almost 2 hours for food, won us over with its cook: this old dude whose kitchen was surrounding him on the street, and heaven forbid that anyone else try and help cook! The third won us over because it introduced me to taro. What’s the deal with taro anyway? It looks like a potato and tastes like beans.. They’re mad for it here. All in all, three places within walking distance that crapped all over the clean side of the street (though, I will say that come Sunday, when they were all closed, the Indian place across from the roti joint served a wicked Chicken Tikka).


Taro taro taro - what's the dealio?

Now to Penang, where all you hear about is food. Apparently, people get frustrated at tourism agencies plugging this place as a beach town. Well, according to my mad Ctrl+F skills in the LP and Wikitravel, there’re no recommended places to swim here at all. It is indeed all about the food. What said travel advisories lack in all their tellings, however, is an idea as to what one should do to get such great food (yes, get it, I’m not saying “find it”).

My answer – look like a goose. Dressed as a big white bird (much better than Plucka’s costume, I assure you), I did initially run into some trouble when sitting at one street stall serving chicken rice. Explaining that I was, in fact, a goose and not a chicken, they quickly stopped looking.

Just walk in, sit down, and look at what other people are doing. Soon enough you’ll realise (unless you actually have read this far, in which case I’m ruining it for you) that in Penang, the good stalls only sell one thing (efficiency in effect). Go to the laksa stall (if you’re ready for fishy explosion), or the chicken rice one, or the satay one, or the koay teow one (my favourite) and raise a finger (that’s “one please”), say terima kasih, and sit down. Don’t pay at the stall, wait til the food hits the table. Then enjoy.

As for drinks, the sellers of these are keen AS. Order up on Ice Kopi, Lime Juice or 100 Plus (SO many tubby kids drink this stuff, then use the isotonic brilliance to run marathons).

I might say at this point, they don’t usually use a number system or even ask where you’re sitting. In some of the bigger food areas, test how mad their skills are and sit nowhere near the stall you order from. I guarantee they’ll find you.

Finally, my confusion. I’m confused about why Penang needs that dude and his programmed keyboard? The melody doesn’t actually change and yet he just starts singing new lyrics... I’m also confused by the love for chicken rice. Is there something I’m missing?


Get the crap out of Melaka!

No, that’s not telling you to do so, it’s telling you what I’m about to write – although, after visiting some of Melaka’s “museums” you might want out (Yes, best to stay on the food trail when in this here town).

Kuala Lumpur have bus services to Melaka running from Bukit Jalil. Note, Bukit Jalil, not Puduraya. Note the date this is being written – 11 February 2011. The bus station reno began in April last year and was scheduled for four months. Hmm, funny how these things always happen. Never fear, head to Puduraya anyway and smoosh yourself into a shuttle (RM2, of course... nothing’s free). A ticket to Melaka from there could cost you anything, depending on how the ticket girl feels at the time. Then once in Melaka (that’s provided you do get on the bus you’ve been allocated to), the cab fare to town is RM20 – the fair price nowadays (the rip off price being RM30).

BUT WAIT! There’s a bus straight in and outta there to/from KLIA and LCCT! This means you can avoid KL if you hate the city, or.. just need to get to the airport. For most people, this information is meaningless; but in case you ever actually want to do this, this info is actually hard to find via Google.
Trust this: Go to Mahkota Medical Centre, head to the back of the building and you can actually get the bus straight outta town at 5am, 8am, 12.30pm or 2.30pm. Booking ahead is not always necessary, but can be done for us nervous types. It will cost RM22 (better than the total RM45 to get to the airport the other way). It will take longer than 2 hours (as the dude will tell you), but not much longer – say, less than 3. Then once at LCCT, fly to Penang :)